Free Instant Online Valuation in just 60 seconds

The Best Estate Agent Jokes

  • 5 years ago

Property is a serious business, with thousands of professionals up and down the country all working hard to make moves happen. Everyone – buyers, sellers and agents – get stressed from time to time, so what’s needed is a few minutes to laugh at the property industry and the people in it…

An enterprising agent

A small-town estate agent was appalled to turn up to the office one day to see a rival agency opening next door. Even worse, the new agency had “The lowest commissions in town” emblazoned over the door.

The following week, another agency opened on the other side, promising clients the “Fastest sales in town”. Not to be deterred, the first estate agent fixed a new sign over his door which read “Main entrance”.

What’s in the belfry?

How is an estate agent similar to a bat?

They’re both all about the echolocation, location, location.

Traditional values

What does a British estate agent care about most in life?

His proper-tea.

Not the sharpest tool in the box

A particularly daft burglar was boasting to his friend about his latest “job”.

“I ram-raided a shop and made off with 15 paintings. They’re all worth hundreds of thousands of pounds! Look at this one, it’s worth half a million!”

“You didn’t burgle an art gallery,” his friend replied. “You hit an estate agency!”

Is it too soon?

A family cleared the house of their grandma. They had a productive day, listing some of her possessions on eBay, donating others to charity and then finally, putting the property on the market.

When she got home from bingo, Gran had a few choice words to say.

Some jokes just bug you

How many insects do you need to rent out an apartment?


And finally, a cheeky one

Two friends were walking through a cemetery when they came across a headstone that read:

“Here lies Walter Smith, an estate agent and an honest man”

“Blimey,” said one friend to the other: “They buried two people in here,”

Compare listings